Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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