we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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