I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
