just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
please come you make the beer taste better
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
