I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i now understand why vodka
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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