How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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