Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
