I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
