I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
