watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
