you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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