We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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