she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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