Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
you inspire me to be a worse person
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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