tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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