fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
