i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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