i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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