Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
40s are totally the cure
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
