how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
