She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
