just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
