I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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