Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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