Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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