I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Is it penis luge time yet?
This baby is an asshole
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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