Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
