I feel like abortions should bother me more
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
