i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
