Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
