were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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