we're chasing vodka with high fives
We left an ass print on the piano.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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