i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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