Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize