My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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