so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
