in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
