there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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