i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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