I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
