I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
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I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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