If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
