I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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