Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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