I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I am mentally ready for anal.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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