I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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