What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
