On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
