dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
