I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
