i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We are two peas in an std pod
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
