I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
