my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
