Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They have beer where we have blood.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
