I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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