I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize