glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
