i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
