God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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