He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
