this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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