i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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