You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
