Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
