1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
