if only i could text you this smell
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
